You

 You...

Are the Finneas to my Eilish 

And unlike before I no longer walk around without eye-lids

You

made the sun shine again and lit the candle on my prayer stand

Now, I understand 

Sent from above you came in down with a heavenly force-field

protected and with courage

you decided to appear to me without any pretense

You made it all okay, 

day time, night time

with you around there were always signs

and rhythms and beats and beads

Dreading the day I use to be

Waiting for the one to sing a loving and gentle Hymn

To me...

And like Eilish, 

There is no story on the canvas without a Finneas, an angel 

With wings

A halo

and hello

For when I waited to be seen,

He found me...

And neverr again left. 

Untitled

 Untitled

It is true,

"we should all be feminists,"

Get to know what it means to be for your girl child,

In the same way you would for your boy child

That children should be treated, taught, the same things

Does my being a feminist mean I can't speak of the shadow of women?

The hell not,

It means I can and should

For whats done on the right should be done on the left

Ive always known powerful women,

For God's sake I was brought up by a matriarch

My genisis circle was all women

Femininity an energy, a life source that runs deeply within me

But the shadow

Women as devils

Horns given to men, and a tail that hides many wicked tales

Adorned under halos.

Shadow

Woman. 

.

 When I miss ME...

I go through pictures of YOU...

Mother

 3am:

Is it she?

Hey! Wakeup!

Is it she?

What?

Is it she you were looking for when you found me?

Babe, what? What is going on, it's freaking 3am?

At least you were asleep. Shes been haunting me.

Who?

She!She, damn it.

Just go to sleep.

Is it she?

...

Lesson

 ...And that's the thing about doors... 

Opening and closing...

And others revolving...

<3 

Arrived/Home

 

We arrive, the birthed

And within the carers arms we find it

For the longest this is home, suckling unashamed

Feeding the beloved

Unknowing of all we agreed to

When we were formed and even before,

A genius decided that we'd be the one

We, the yet to arrive, already having been so

Face challenges and turmoil -

A pain unimaginable

We become one with the margins, too different to fold

And then this contract we have sign-ed

Even before we could talk

Finds us at different times and

We are alerted to the call

And when the ringing rises

And the feet start burning

We cannot help but dance

When the dreams become one with dawning

And the memories become honoured

We become one with those

Those who lived

Those who struggled and decided for you to carry the baton

And when this happens

You can choose to run, away or towards the call

However it'll always be there within you

For its always been there

When you are called, answer

It is the wisdom of ages turning you towards your throne

A king, a queen

A chosen, the dreams

Answer.

Love

I hate that I'm imperfect
That I look at my arms and think to myself sometimes
"just slit them"
But don't have the guts
That I sometimes looks at myself in the mirror and can't see anyone there
That I'm told I have my mother's lips and fathers beard
I'm the living culmination, a joining in of lovers in the past
Alive in the present.
I miss my dad and can't see my mom
I know she shaped more of me
And at times I wonder and worry over
The war that's on my face
My father coming up from the grave
Still trying to breathe
My mom alive, yet so distant from me
I do more than see this
I feel it and see it
Their love overt
Obvious
And then I wonder
Was I ever truly worthy of love
When those who made me couldn't make it work forever?
😫😭